Entering a bar can feel like stepping into a kind of oasis. At its heart sits the bartender, who is a skilled professional. They do more than just pour drinks for you. Bartenders juggle many orders at once.
They also track inventory and often act as confidants for you. Keeping you happy is their goal, you know. Their work requires sharp focus and a good memory. It takes multitasking ability, especially when things get busy. A great bartender likes sharing what they know. They want you to enjoy yourself at their bar.
Yet, being at bars has unwritten rules. Sometimes customers really make the bartender’s job hard. Simple questions or requests might cause problems, you see. How do you make sure you are not that person? We asked experienced bartenders about common patron mistakes.
Get ready to learn things you should probably avoid asking. This helps keep you on your bartender’s good side. Trust me; they will appreciate it. Maybe you’ll get a better drink, too.
1. **Can you make this stronger?**: Okay, let’s start with a classic one. Most people go to the bar for a small buzz. I suppose there is nothing wrong with that goal. But asking your bartender, “Make it stronger,” is bad. It’s a big no in the world of bartending. This is offensive for key reasons that may not be clear. When you say that, it subtly questions their skill. Good bartenders pride themselves on balanced drinks, you see. They make drinks in specific ways for a reason. Asking for more alcohol changes the drink’s balance. As etiquette consultant Lisa Mirza Grotts puts it, “Bartenders know how to make a proper drink — this is insulting.” They make drinks lighter for valid reasons. Asking for a stronger version feels like doubting their skill. It feels like doubting their intended taste profile.
The second big reason this question bothers bartenders so much is that it’s basically like asking for free alcohol. Alcohol costs the most in the drink. Asking for extra without paying extra isn’t fair. If you truly want your drink to have more punch, the easy and polite solution is to order a double instead. Lisa Mirza Grotts advises customers straightforwardly, “If you want it stronger, order a double and pay accordingly.” It’s a simple deal that respects their job and the bar’s costs.
2. **How about a free pour?**: Some old neighborhood bars used to have a charming custom. It was called buybacks, which were free drinks for loyal regulars. People who spent a decent amount would get one back, perhaps because they were understood to tip well or stick around. It felt neat to build loyalty and community this way.
Sadly, this custom mostly went the way of the dodo bird. Costs keep rising for everything, like rent. Liquor costs are higher, too, you see. Modern sales systems track inventory details well. These things made buybacks not financially viable for businesses. Despite this knowledge, many bar – goers haven’t heard this news. They still often ask bartenders for free drinks. Or they sometimes ask them for “a little extra.” Nick Leighton, an etiquette expert, advises, “Don’t ask for a free pour or ‘a little extra.'”
Rarely, an old dive bar might give a free shot. To a loyal regular who has been there for many years. Don’t expect this kindness at most bars now, especially not at high – end bars or craft breweries. They simply can’t afford to give away costly drinks. Asking for free things generally gives a bad impression. It won’t make you friends behind the bar.
3. **Surprise me!**: This might sound like an innocent question. The idea is that you trust the bartender’s skill. It shows that you are open to trying new things. What’s not to love about this idea? Yet, it turns out that bartenders often hate hearing this. They are professionals who usually want to please customers. But you give zero guidance, which means the choices are endless. They think they know nothing about your taste preferences.
Think about it from their viewpoint, and it’s clear. They could mix up something they love making, but you might really dislike it. It’s a high – risk gamble with the possibility that you won’t have fun. Nick Leighton points this out among annoying things. This includes “asking bartenders to ‘surprise me’ without offering any guidance.” He says there’s a big difference between different types of drinks. “There’s a huge difference between a bellini and a negroni.” Without a clue about what you like, how can they guess it right for you?
Bartender Louise Ball feels the same way about this. “I don’t want to surprise you; I want to give you something you like.” A much better approach when feeling adventurous is to give the bartender some clues. Say what you usually like or dislike drinking. Nick Leighton suggests this idea. “You can say that you like a particular drink and ask what they might recommend that’s similar.” You can also ask about house drinks or ones they like making. Nikki Bonkowski suggests having “an idea of what you’re looking for, whether that be refreshing, spicy, strong, or sweet,” and then ask for a recommendation based on your answer. The more information you share, the higher the chance you’ll get the drink you love best.
4. **Make it like Cissy does**: If you go to a bar a lot, you have a favorite bartender. This is the one who easily remembers your name, your usual drink, and maybe even how you like it prepared perfectly. It’s a nice feeling to enter a place where you feel seen. Sometimes, the connection with a specific bartender makes you visit that spot.
However, remember that bartenders are not a single hive – mind collective. They don’t magically share techniques or knowledge. Your favorite Cissy might have her own unique flourish. Maybe the specific ratio she uses for your drink is unique. The bartender working when Cissy is not there might have their own way. Their way might be different but also correct, you see. Unfortunately, they can’t just automatically channel Cissy’s style.
If you have specific preferences that Cissy uses, it’s best to nicely explain those preferences to the bartender serving you. Lisa Mirza Grotts recommends politely trying this approach. “If possible, describe how she makes it, but do so politely.” Don’t just say, “Cissy makes it this way,” you know. Explain how it’s different from the usual way. And please try not to show that you’re sad Cissy is absent. The bartender right there is a professional doing their work. They have feelings too, just like anyone else. A bit of politeness and understanding helps a lot everywhere.
5. **What’s good here?**: This question might sound harmless at first glance. But it’s often really annoying for bartenders. It’s too broad; it means almost nothing for their job. Lisa Mirza Grotts compares this type of question, you see, to “walking into a library and asking what the best book is.” It completely depends on who asks it, that’s true. It always depends on what they are looking for.
Nikki Bonkowski knows that this question shows a real interest at heart. But “The issue lies in the fact that the question is far too broad.” Her standard reply is almost always, “Anything I make is going to be delicious, so it all just depends on what you’re currently craving to drink.” Bartenders are proud of their work; they think everything they make is good. But they can’t know your personal definition of “good.” Not without more information that you really give them.
To avoid annoying bartenders and getting a drink you like, you need to clearly provide some context for them. Tell them about your favorite cocktails and what flavor profiles you enjoy best. Are you into sweet, sour, bitter, or maybe spicy? Are you wanting something refreshing or strong? Nikki Bonkowski notes a common mistake for patrons. They are “not looking at a flavor profile enough before committing to a cocktail.” Sometimes a drink sounds interesting based on the description, but it says flavors you dislike. You should read the menu for a moment before ordering, you see. Then ask targeted questions based on what you prefer. This makes life easier for everyone, you think. You’ll always get a better result this way, too.
6. **What’s cheap?**: Let’s be honest. We all appreciate a good deal a lot. Especially when going out, costs add up quickly. Times can be tough, and budgets are sometimes slim. And you still want to have a fun evening out. However, asking the bartender “What’s cheap?” directly is not a good approach. Bars are often small businesses that are running. They must make a profit to keep the lights on. Bugging the staff for deals won’t make them like you more.
Lisa Mirza Grotts gives simple advice for drinkers on a budget. “If you’re on a budget, ask for the well – drink special, or have drinks at home.” Most bars have a selection of well house spirits at a lower price. Often, they have specials featuring these, you see. Asking specifically about the ‘well special’ shows that you want value. It shows that you want something within the bar’s standard offers instead of getting something almost free.
Context provides clever ways to save money too, without putting your bartender in an awkward spot, you see. If you share wine with a friend, for instance, planning to have several glasses each and buying a bottle is usually cheaper. If shots are your thing, ordering a double in a tall glass often costs less than buying two shots separately. Sometimes visiting a bar after a big holiday might mean getting deals. You can snag deals on seasonal drinks leftover from a party. A pint of Guinness tastes great after St. Patrick’s Day anyway. These are always smart ways to manage your budget while still being courteous to the bar staff.
7. **You’re making that wrong**: Now, this one should probably be obvious, right? But apparently, it happens often enough that bartenders really don’t like hearing it. Telling the skilled professional across the bar that they’re messing up their job is, well, incredibly insulting. Sure, maybe you’ve perfected your home martini, but professional bartenders have specific reasons and techniques for how they craft their drinks. It’s kind of like comparing someone who flies a small plane on weekends to a fighter pilot landing on an aircraft carrier – the basic idea is the same, but the level of precision and expertise is on a whole different level.
Think about it: high – end bars often have a much wider variety of spirits and mixers than your home bar, including things they make themselves. This allows them to create unique flavors that you just can’t replicate in your kitchen. Plus, they test and tweak their recipes until they’re perfect, and then they follow them exactly every single time. There’s no just eyeing the ingredients when you’re a pro. It’s a process they’ve refined!
Given all the thought, testing, and professional training that go into their craft, challenging their technique or telling them they’re wrong is just plain rude. So next time you see your drink being made in a way that’s different from how you’d do it, take a deep breath and trust the expert. You might just discover a new favorite way to enjoy that drink, and as a bonus – your bartender won’t be silently fuming behind the bar. It’s a win-win!
8. **What time do you get off?**: Bartenders are often amazing at creating a friendly and welcoming atmosphere. They chat, they remember names, and they make you feel comfortable. This is part of building good customer relationships, especially with regulars, and it’s crucial for their job and the bar’s success. However, it’s extremely important to remember that these are cordial professional relationships. They are being friendly as part of their work.
The mistake many people make is confusing this professional friendliness with personal interest or flirting. Nikki Bonkowski shared that customers asking for her personal phone number or wanting to know when she gets off work make her seriously uncomfortable, and frankly, it’s creepy. She puts it very clearly: they are at work, and the bar is their workplace, which also needs to feel like a safe space for them.
Think of it as an HR violation. You wouldn’t (or shouldn’t!) ask out a coworker at their job, and the same rule applies to your bartender. Asking for their personal information or trying to meet up after their shift blurs a professional boundary and puts them in a really awkward and uncomfortable position. They are there to work, serve drinks, and ensure everyone has a good time within professional limits. Respect that boundary, enjoy the friendly service for what it is, and leave the personal – life questions out of it.
9. **What, you don’t have x?**: Heading to a bar should be a fun experience, not a stressful one. To make sure you have the best time, it really helps to go in with just a little bit of knowledge about what you might want to order or what kind of place you’re visiting. As Lisa Mirza Grotts wisely says, you should “know before you go.” We do this when we get coffee, by looking at the menu or knowing if it’s a cafe that focuses on fancy lattes or just drip coffee. Cocktails are no different!
Bars vary hugely, from your local neighborhood spot to high – end craft cocktail lounges. The selection of spirits, mixers, and ingredients will be totally different depending on the bar’s focus and price point. Nick Leighton points out that “A neighborhood dive bar probably isn’t the place to order a complicated drink with a zillion obscure ingredients.” It’s just not realistic to expect every bar to stock every single obscure ingredient for every possible drink ever invented.
So, walking into a bar and reacting with shock or annoyance because they don’t have that one specific liqueur or ingredient you wanted for a super – niche cocktail is just frustrating for everyone. You wouldn’t expect a pizza place to have every single pasta shape, right? A quick search online beforehand to see the bar’s menu or type of offerings can save you the disappointment and save the bartender from having to deal with your huffing. Go to the right bar for the drink you’re craving, or be flexible with your order!
10. **Um … um … I’ll have … no, wait …**: Okay, we get it, bar menus can be exciting! With so many tempting options, it’s totally understandable to feel a little decision paralysis sometimes. It happens to the best of us when everything looks delicious. However, especially when the bar is busy, taking forever to decide really slows things down and isn’t fair to the bartender or the other people waiting patiently for their drinks.
When the bar is slammed, like during a popular event such as trivia night as Louise Ball mentions, taking up the bartender’s time while you vacillate back and forth is a disservice to everyone else in line. They’re juggling multiple orders and trying to keep things moving efficiently. Hogging their attention when you’re not ready to order just slows down the whole operation.
If you’re genuinely stuck and the bar is hopping, it’s completely fine and actually helpful to just tell the bartender you need a minute and let them move on to the next person. They can always come back to you when you’re ready. And whatever you do, please, for the love of all that is good, don’t try to get their attention by snapping your fingers! According to Nick Leighton, this is universally irritating to bar professionals. If it’s not busy and you’re unsure, that’s the perfect time to give the bartender some clues about what you like and ask for a recommendation.
11. **Do you know who I am?**: Alright, let’s wrap this up with a phrase that just screams… well, something you don’t want to scream at your bartender. Pulling the “Do you know who I am?” card is peak arrogance and, according to every bartender ever, it is never, ever impressive. They hear it all the time, often from folks who’ve had a few too many and are causing a scene. A commenter on Reddit humorously noted that they hear it most when they’re actually kicking someone out! Trust us, throwing around your supposed status doesn’t get you special treatment.
Lisa Mirza Grotts confirms this hard truth: “Even if you’re a VIP, they don’t care.” Their job isn’t to cater to your ego; it’s to serve everyone at the bar fairly and efficiently. So what do they care about? Grotts puts it bluntly: “The green stuff.” That means doing their job well and, yes, earning tips that help them make a living. Acting like you’re more important than everyone else or demanding special attention because you think you’re someone special just makes you look bad and makes their job harder.
Bars are meant to be fun places, but they are also businesses, and the staff are professionals who deserve respect. The bartender is responsible for looking after all the patrons, not just bowing down to whoever thinks they’re a big shot. If you truly want bartenders to like you and enjoy serving you, it’s incredibly simple: just be a decent human being. Be polite, be patient (especially when it’s busy), be friendly and kind to everyone around you, and always, always tip well. Being a good customer is the real VIP move.
So there you have it! Navigating the bar scene doesn’t have to be complicated. At the end of the day, it all boils down to treating the people serving you with the respect and understanding they deserve as skilled professionals. They work hard to make sure you have a good time, pour delicious drinks, and keep things running smoothly. By avoiding these common slip – ups, you make their job easier, ensure a better experience for yourself, and become the kind of customer bartenders are genuinely happy to see walk through the door. So go forth, order confidently, tip generously, and enjoy that perfectly crafted drink!
Related posts:
The 12 Things You Should Never Say When Ordering Drinks At A Bar
Life behind the bar: Stark bartenders describe top customers, least favorite drinks
14 Cocktails Everyone Will Be Drinking In 2025
