A meal at a restaurant should be an enjoyable respite a time to indulge in great food, share good friends, or commemorate a milestone event. But the communal environment of a dining room exists because of mutual respect, and recently, some unwritten etiquette rules have dissolved. Blaring phone conversations and inattentive behaviour can ruin the experience, indicating an increasingly prevalent sense of entitlement rather than consideration for others.
Having worked in the service industry for years, I’ve witnessed everything from minor irritation to blatant rudeness. Well-intentioned diners can make servers’ lives more difficult without even realizing it. After interviews with existing and former servers and industry experts, I’ve put together a list of the most frequent mistakes diners commit. This is not about pointing fingers but about making you improve your habits for an easier, more pleasant experience for all. Here are 15 bad behaviours to know, beginning with some of the most influential.
1. Asking for Separate Checks at the Last Minute
Requesting separate checks after a meal, particularly for a big group, can be problematic. Servers are juggling multiple tables, and an unexpected request for 10 distinct bills jams the point-of-sale system, dragging down service for all. Cayla DiFabio, a former restaurant insider, says that bill splitting beyond three people is especially infuriating and can even impact servers’ tips.
To pre-empt this, inform your server in advance if you require individual checks. This will enable them to separate orders from the beginning. With services such as Venmo or Zelle, you can also pay up among friends afterwards, as one server on Reddit joked, “If you have 10 cards, you likely have Zelle as well.” Planning ahead keeps a lot of trouble at bay.
2. Ordering Items One at a Time
Asking for things piecemeal water first, ketchup next, then a fresh fork may be innocent but sets up a relay race for servers. Going back and forth with every trip breaks up their rhythm, particularly during peak times. Camille Lowder and Julia Smith of Delish explained how brunch shifts are challenging when customers ask for water, then coffee, then a mimosa in successive visits.
To assist, look ahead and group your requests. Before your server disappears, see if your party requires anything additional drinks, condiments, or utensils. This minor habit accelerates service and allows you to enjoy your meal earlier.
3. Stacking Plates Incorrectly
Attempting to assist by piling plates usually does more harm than good. Servers have learned to pile plates a certain way so they can safely and efficiently transport them. Customer-piled plates are unsteady or sloppy, complicating the server’s task. Cayla DiFabio clarifies that the thought is generous but interrupts their trained procedure.
Instead, signal you’re done by placing your utensils on your unstacked plate, handles at 4 o’clock and tips at 10 o’clock. This universal cue lets servers clear your table smoothly without extra work.
4. Switching Seats During the Meal
Chairs swapped during ordering, particularly in a party with multiple checks, baffles servers who follow the order by table location. This “musical chairs” can result in incorrect dishes being served. Cayla DiFabio recommends seat changing is acceptable prior to ordering or finishing, but in-the-middle moves discombobulate the server’s mental map.
To maintain things going smoothly, get settled in your seat ahead of time and remain seated until the meal is delivered and removed. This allows all to receive the correct order without undue confusion.
5. Flirting with Servers
Friendliness on the part of a server is part of their job and not an invitation. Misinterpreting professional warmth as flirting by giving them your number or making a date can leave them uncomfortable. Delish’s Camille Lowder points out that servers are taught to be friendly in order to make your experience better and deserve good tips, but it’s business.
Express gratitude with a courtesy attitude and an appropriate tip, but not advances. Maintaining a professional approach to interactions makes everyone feel at ease.
6. Not Clearing Space for Food
Servers successfully weave through crowded dining areas with scorching plates or heavy trays, but guests too frequently park phones, bags, or elbows in the path. This poses safety hazards, such as spills or burns. Clearing space as food arrives ensures servers can deliver your meal safely and efficiently.
As you notice dishes approaching, push items off the table and sit back in your chair. This small gesture avoids accidents and maintains service moving along smoothly.
7. Leaving Personal Trash
Dining tables are not trash cans. Allowing dirty tissues, snack packaging, or empty bottles to remain creates unnecessary, unclean work for employees. Servers and bussers, two of the most worked-over employees, don’t do your personal trash. Large messes, such as children spilling sugar packets, also interfere with the restaurant flow.
Don’t bring your trash in. Take it out if you brought it in. Keeping the table clean is a sign of respect for the staff and public space.
8. Allowing Children to Run Amok
Dining with families is great, but allowing kids to use the restaurant as a playground is a disaster. Running children endanger collisions with servers holding hot plates, while “kid tables” without supervision result in such messes as ketchup-covered walls. According to Adam Cohen, a former bartender, this type of behavior disturbs the entire dining room.
Seat and keep children under supervision. If they must release pent-up energy, send them outside for a short time. This guarantees safety and respect for staff members and other patrons.
9. Tipping with Kindness Rather Than Cash
Servers depend on tips to make ends meet, so it is infuriating to be friendly and leave a small or no tip. Camille Lowder describes how servers’ friendliness is professional, which is intended to offer excellent service and receive equitable gratuities. “Tipping with kindness” does not pay their bills.
For good service, leave a 15-20% tip. If you can’t tip appropriately, consider takeout. For serious service issues, speak to a manager rather than withholding a tip.
10. Complaining About Everything
Endless griping over small things, such as room temperature or minor dish flaws, causes stress for servers who frequently can’t rectify them. A Reddit commenter snarked, “Let me call corporate to adjust the AC.” Pickiness makes the mood bitter for all.
Before griping, determine if it’s a major problem. Ask politely for repairs of actual issues, such as warm food, or approach a manager for serious issues. Enjoy the meal and company.
11. Bringing Pets to Dinner
Except it’s a certified service animal, taking dogs to restaurants can ruin the experience. Servers have to work around leashes or pets, threatening spills or accidents. Barking dogs also annoy other patrons. Even in pet-friendly establishments, pets can be a hassle.
Leave non-service animals home. This keeps the dining area safe and enjoyable for staff and visitors.
12. Disregarding Phones for Companions
Having dinner is all about companionship, but phone scrolling or responding to a call at the dining table destroys that bond. It was discovered in a study that 62% of Gen Z believe it’s alright to look at texts during dinner, but it indicates disconnection from companions and the moment.
Silence your phone and put it away. Take out urgent calls outside. Presence elevates everyone’s meal at your table.
13. Taking Bad Food Photos
Taking snapshots of your food for social media usually leads to low-quality photos that disturb the eating experience. Flashing or staying up to take pictures distracts other diners and servers. Taking photos of food is an art better left to others.
Deliberately focus on relishing the food, not capturing it. Tuck your phone away to enjoy the flavors and connect with your friends.
14. Depending On QR Code Menus
QR code menus, a product of the pandemic, make customers resort to using phones, taking away from the experience. Chef Suhan Lee observes they interrupt conversation and ambiance, while Nylah Iqbal Muhammad points out their unavailability to certain people. Physical menus create a communal atmosphere.
If menus on paper are present, ask politely for one. Encouraging restaurants that do not compromise on tradition but make use of technology ensures a phone free dining experience.
15. Tipping on Swivel Screens
Swivel screens requesting tips for less service, such as reaching for a bottled water, annoy patrons. Su-Jit Lin questions tipping when there is minimal service and is concerned about tip clarity. This “tipping fatigue” baffles clients and devalues the custom of tipping for complete service.
Tip thoughtfully depending on the service received. For brief interactions, a small or no tip is acceptable, but make sure full-service attempts are compensated nicely.
Eating out is a social activity that relies on respect from one another. By shunning these 15 habits, you can ensure each meal becomes more enjoyable for yourself, your friends, the service staff, and other patrons. Let’s adopt mindful dining, where courtesy is always served.
