Honestly, dating today feels so hard sometimes. Finding a good match seems impossible when you are blindfolded. You swipe chats and go on dates often. Then maybe you find a promising person sometimes. Someone with work hobbies you might like. And they actually initiate conversation, which is amazing. I experienced this just this past summer myself.
I matched with an attractive guy on Hinge who actually messaged me first, asked me on a date, planned it, and even showed up – all while being over six feet tall, just as advertised! It felt almost impossibly good that things went well.
He asked me on a second date right away the next day. Then came a third one too. It truly felt like maybe the code was cracked. Could this actually be it, maybe? Was this something real commencing now? Or would he just vanish into thin air later? All seemed to be tracking towards a good place.
The conversation flowed perfectly, and the connection felt so promising; his willingness to show up and put in effort was a refreshing change from the indifference I sometimes encounter.
Then came the moment truth shifted everything. That promising feeling suddenly crashed down hard. This happened the second I saw his apartment place. I am not asking for a palace. But what I saw was kind of a scene. A futon was scattered on the floor, broken. It was not just messy, actually. It was fundamentally really broken, you see.
He quickly assembled its body together. But it had no legs visible. Absolutely no legs were on it. No clear explanation of what happened came forth. Did the futon legs rebel and leave? Or did they just walk away from it?
In place of a TV, a laptop sat. It was perched precariously near the futon pieces. Felt less like a cozy evening in your home. It felt more like a campsite with technology challenges. Perhaps the most memorable detail was a plaid shirt.
A single plaid shirt existed there. Somehow disembodied in three pieces it was. Strung across the window like a curtain, it was. A horror, my best friend later named it. She called it the Shirtain with heart. It was a level of chaos I was not prepared for. This felt like something fundamentally off here.
I spent two days after this happened. Moping around my own apartment is what I did. Mine had proper curtains and a couch, thank you. I thought about what was possibly happening. I thought about our start, that promising beginning. But deep down I certainly knew this fact.
I would not become an unpaid decorator, actually. Not for a man well in his mid-30s. This felt more than a little messy, honestly. Felt like I lacked basic adulting here for sure. Just did not have the energy to take on.
It was another disappointing dating experience. Adding to my bad dating luck list. A list many women relate to completely. There was an ex-boyfriend who refused to keep the apartment clean. He later told me after we broke up. He only saw me as a whole person then. Talk about perfect timing, that is.
Then came the attractive, educated consultant who ghosted me. Not once but actually twice they did this. Between vanishing acts, excuses were given. Excuses were almost impressively baffling, I thought. The first excuse was the 40-minute subway ride was too long. Fair enough, I prefer not to travel far away. But the second ghosting excuse baffled me.
He said he experienced a recent glow-up. Feeling utterly overwhelmed by attention from women. Yes, he actually said that whole thing. After a while you start to wonder. Is it really just bad luck then? Is the universe assigning unsuitable partners randomly? Or something else is going on here.
At happy hours on TikTok, online conversations are happening. It is a common refrain among many women. It feels like the average man cannot keep pace. Not keeping pace with the average woman today. And you know what data exists. Data backs up this widespread feeling you see. It is not just you alone.
Let’s dive into the data: back in 1995, Pew Research found that about a quarter of young men and women held bachelor’s degrees, showing a relatively even playing field, but fast forward to 2024, and a significant 47% of women aged 25 to 34 now have degrees, painting a very different picture.
They had earned a bachelor degree already. Compare that to men in the same age range. Only 37% held one here. That is a ten-point difference widening now. A gap opened up over a few years. The pool of similarly educated partners is smaller for many women. It is not just the education gap that matters here.
Disparities extend to basic life-building areas. LendingTreeanalysis US Census data found this. Single women own 2.7 million more homes. There are more homes than single men in America. Think about this very second. Single women establishing roots and building equity well. Achieving a stability marker rate far exceeding single men. Looking for a partner to build future matters.
These kind of foundational differences really matter. They speak to different life stages too. Financial stability levels might be different. Perhaps priorities are just different overall. Even when couples match up okay. Start building a life together then. Data shows inequalities in the division of labor still persist. Within the home for sure today.
In couples where both partners work, which is increasingly common, women still shoulder a disproportionate amount of domestic labor and childcare responsibilities, extending beyond just washing dishes to encompass the mental load and underlying time commitments that can feel like signing up for a second job.
The prospect of dating someone less willing or equipped to contribute equally goes beyond mere practicalities, touching deeply on emotional and mental well-being, as data from the US CDC shows women are more likely to seek mental health care, though statistically, men are less likely to die from drug overdoses.
Might seem like an odd stat here. But speaks to broader gender trends. Trends help cope with stress difficulty too. Mental health challenges differ for sure. Ways we seek to avoid help vary. Support systems we build shape us. Shapes us greatly as partners.
Speaking of support systems, a 2023 Pew Research Center survey revealed that women are also more likely to have close friends with whom they feel comfortable discussing personal topics like work, families, and health, indicating they build stronger social networks.
More intimate support networks they build. Having a partner able to build connections is important. Someone has healthy outlets for processing life challenges. This is pretty crucial to finding a partner. Dating is a numbers game, people say. It feels like for single women, math does not add up. Not up in our favor right now anyway.
There has been buzz about male loneliness lately. A so-called male loneliness epidemic exists. The idea is men becoming increasingly isolated. Lonely, especially as marriage rates fall low. It is a concept widely discussed today. Reason: pause question framing, maybe. A recent Pew Research survey found facts.
While men and women report similar rates of loneliness, suggesting it might be a shared human experience, the survey highlighted a crucial difference: women are significantly more likely to turn to friends, family, or mental health professionals for support, pointing to differing support-seeking behaviors.
This vibe shift disconnection feels real. Lack of traditional support may be pushing some men. Some young men in a concerning direction. Amidst criticism of traditional masculinity ideas. Evolving social expectations happen too now. Some reportedly turn to content creators online. Within the misogynist manosphere, this happens. It is a digital space online for views.
Promotes views frankly off-putting many women find. For women looking for equal partnerships, that is. Adding another layer complex picture this presents. The 2023 Survey Center American Life survey reported stats. Almost half of young men felt discriminated against. Politically, a widening divide appears obvious.
With young men increasingly leaning conservative while young women become more liberal, combined with factors like the educational and home ownership gaps, uneven domestic labor, different approaches to emotional support, online echo chambers, and political divergence, finding a partner in today’s challenging environment becomes a complex equation.
Partner whose values and life stage align. Emotional readiness must align also. Can feel incredibly difficult sometimes. It is frustrating to say the least. For remaining single ladies, this feels real. Looking around this landscape is frustrating. Making a conscious decision not to settle happens. Never settle for less than they deserve.
But here is the interesting part, maybe. Perhaps a little infuriating, depending on you. Amidst discussion of male loneliness problems. The struggles of navigating modern dating here. Clear winner: the male loneliness epidemic emerged, it seems. It is the men themselves, actually. Or at least a certain type of man wins.
In today’s dating world, winning men exist. Men simply employed one requirement. And meet baseline social skills requirement two. Appear to be absolutely cleaning up the scene. According to observations and some experts, they win. Having their pick of attractive, successful women. Women tired of futon shambles clearly. Tired glow-up excuses definitely exist.
Niko Emanuilidis, dating coach TikToker says so. Goes by The Daddy Academy this person. Offered some insight into this phenomenon. Suggests many men seemingly turned inward. Isolated themselves, maybe feeling adrift, happens. Amidst criticism of men’s masculinity. Those comfortable in social situations and confident are winners. They basically skyrocketed ahead of the rest, he says. The bar has been lowered for some, it seems. Allows others to easily clear it and stand out.
Among men embodying the winner effect is Jason. Jason, who is 34, works in marketing. His experience seems to be a point. Casually mentioned currently seeing women. Seeing two to three women happens now. Had to postpone the scheduled call with this person. Unexpectedly had a woman sleep over last night. Was taking her breakfast in the morning. This is not presented as a boast at all. Simply a reality his current dating life is.
While many women struggle to get a single text back, men like Jason seem to be navigating the dating landscape successfully, possessing the baseline social skills and abundant opportunities that come with being employed, which paints a picture of a bifurcated dating world where frustrated single women, seeing societal shifts and data, question the possibility of finding a good partner.
On the other hand, some men are simply meeting standard adult expectations and find themselves with a wide array of options, which means the math isn’t adding up for women seeking equal partnership, and for some men, the equation has tilted in their favor, creating a ‘winner effect’ that makes the dating scene feel anything but easy for everyone, a complex landscape that requires understanding to navigate effectively.
